Two wins in the fight for marriage equality

Love it or hate it, Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. Well, the supermarkets have to have something to fill the space between the Christmas turkeys and the Easter eggs. I don’t mean to sound quite such a cynic though. I believe in the power of love to change the world for the better, and this week I’ve got an issue packed full of people who used their passion and drive to be the change they wanted to see in the world. 

(I just believe less in using cuddly toys and flowers to express what can – and should – be demonstrated in words and actions all year round, not just on February 14. So, I’ll just come out and say it, I love each and every one of you Sparkies!)

On January 23, Pisit Sirihiranchai, a police officer, got married to his partner of five years. He called that Thursday in Thailand the happiest day of his life. He wasn’t alone. Hundreds of couples got married across the country that day – and they all had something in common. They could finally make a legal commitment to their sweethearts thanks to a new law that, from that day, permitted same-sex marriage. 

The Marriage Equality Bill was passed by Thailand’s Senate in summer 2024, supported by an “overwhelming majority”. The law has eschewed words such as “wife” and “husband”, in place of gender-neutral language such as “spouse”. 

Same-sex couples in the country now have the same rights as other married couples, including those on inheritance and adoption, and making medical decisions for their spouse when they can’t themselves. The law also increased the minimum age for marriage from 17 to 18.

Thailand is only the third Asian country to recognise same-sex unions in law. And while I knew that the Netherlands was the first country to pass such a law, it got me thinking: how many countries have actually legalised same-sex marriage? Scroll to the bottom to find out. 

What does it take for a country to make such a change? I spoke to someone who’s been working on LGBTQ+ rights for more than 25 years in Thailand to find out. 

Kittinun Daramadhaj – who goes by Danny – is a lawyer and President of the Rainbow Sky Association of Thailand (RSAT), a non-profit civil society organisation that works to improve the quality of life of LGBTQ+ people of all genders.

RSAT is one of about 100 organisations in Thailand that have worked together to help create gender equality in all matters. Danny described to me, through translation software, how individuals there “joined hands” to push for campaigns that help everyone enjoy basic human rights, such as the right to establish a family and determine your own gender identity.

On the day the law took effect, the campaign group Bangkok Pride and Bangkok city authorities held a mass wedding, where 180 LGBTQ+ couples tied the knot. “This day is important not just for us, but for our kids as well. Our family will finally become one,” Ariya “Jin” Milintanapa, who is a trans woman, told the AFP news agency.

“Love is love” is a deceptively simple phrase, but it contains multitudes. People like Danny have spent decades of their lives diligently and persistently pushing for change. And not just any change – meaningful, lasting, positive change. Change that means people who were looked down on and treated differently – by the law and society – because of who they are or who they love can now begin to live their lives fully as their authentic, true selves. What an incredible legacy for everyone fighting for equality across the world. 

∼ Lucy here. For ease of reading, Richard is in regular text, and Cormac is bold.~

“Richard: We met at a local gay club in Dublin, The George, on March 7 2003.  

Cormac: My friend said to me, ‘What kind of guy do you want?’ I looked around the room and saw him walking to the bathroom. I pointed him out and said, ‘That guy!’ and he caught me pointing at him. 

R: So then, eyes met… Later we kissed and the rest, as you say, is history. When Cormac and I were a month together he turned to me and said, ‘Richard, I want the rock!’ It can be quite ambiguous in a gay relationship who’s going to propose to who, but we were quite clear. I knew what I had to do.

∼ When Richard proposed, 11 years later, it was possible for same-sex couples to enter into a civil partnership in Ireland, but not a marriage. Then, two women who were married in Vancouver took a legal case to the Supreme Court to have their marriage recognised in Ireland. The Irish government announced a referendum on legalising same-sex marriage. It took place on May 22 2015. The result? 62% of voters said yes.∼

C: We had our stag on the referendum day, so it was lovely … and we hoped that the marriage act would come through in time for us, but it just didn't.

R: So we proceeded with the civil partnership. We had the whole thing planned – top hats and tails and fireworks and the whole shebang! As a wedding present my mum got us two tickets to go back to the venue for a charity ball later in the year. 

C: We loved our registrar and I contacted her and said, it looks like this act might go through in a couple of weeks when we’re coming down – can I book in with you? She’s like, okay, but I’m not trained on the marriage yet!  

∼ What started as a ‘upgrade’ to their licence soon escalated, when their registrar confirmed that they would in fact be the first same-sex couple to marry in Ireland. Soon, the press turned up ready to capture the historic moment. ∼

R: Our families were like, ‘look lads, you had your big day already!’ So we needed witnesses for the wedding. The owner and one of the staff from the venue stepped in. The congregation was mainly journalists. A guy from the Irish Times said, ‘Who are you wearing?’ and I felt like a celebrity. The whole thing went absolutely crazy after. We were driving back to Dublin and had every journalist calling. We were live on radio two or three times in the car. 

C: Overall, the reaction was incredibly positive. We were fresh on the tails of the referendum and that very positive vibe. You see trolls online and stuff, but we just chose not to read that or absorb it, you know? We did interviews as far afield as Australia and were featured as part of the equal marriage campaign there. 

R: When you think of the right-wing agenda nowadays, it’s very scary. There’s a lot of places that seem to be going backwards now, not forwards. 

C: I think it’s important to give hope to anyone who’s going through a tough time. Our families are very happy for us. They love us. They know that we love each other, and that makes them very happy.”

In writing this edition I was shocked to find out that only about 19% of countries have legalised equal marriage. There is still much work to be done. 

But I believe that love is everywhere – in what we say, what we do and who we are. Remember, it’s not all about “roses are red” and fancy chocolates, it’s about showing up and doing the work.

Thanks for reading, and if you’ve enjoyed this issue, why not let a friend know about The Spark? They can sign up here to read what we think is one of the most positive newsletters around.

Until next time!